Polyamorous - notes

    I must tell you, it has been extremely hard for me these past few years, being ployamorous (add my asexuality to that and you get a very curious cocktail there). It came to the point I was afraid talking about my personal life with anyone, even if I don't really talk about it (it is called personal for a reason: it concerns one person, and one person only).

    "Well, my girlfriend had asked me to grow my hair long."

    "Really? Martha never struck me as a type who likes long hair on men."

    "Oh, no, the other girlfriend, Tash."

    "You and Martha broke up?"

    "No, we didn't."

    "I don't understand."

    There is a common misbelief that you can love one person at a time, which is totally not true. At the moment I'm meeting three ladies, and they know about each other, they are perfectly fine with it, and all of them have other boyfriends besides me. It's kind of open relationship, and it never, ever felt like disrespect. *sigh* I don't even know where to begin with.

    I have endured a lot of aggression, bullying and disrespect from people who told me things like "It's not healthy" (I feel fine, thank you), "You're just experimenting" (thanks, I'm over thirty now, I'm too old for this shit), "You don't love them" (now how do you know that?) and other extremely painful stuff. It even came to threats to beat the shit out of me, which is the sight of extreme immaturity, in my opinion. I, for instance, have never been attracted to, ahem, well, young girls. It's not something conscious, I've just noticed that all women I found attractive throughout my entire life (yes, even as a teen) were over 26-30 with merely one exception who was 24. I don't understand how a man can find an 18-year-old child attractive, but that doesn't mean I want to beat the shit out of them. It's not my concern, you know. But that's beside the point.

    I have been meeting my ladies for eight, six and one year. We've been together, we're OK with our relationship, and we're very happy. Yes, there are three of them, and, you know, I love them all with the same strength and in a different way. And it is hard to explain for someone who grew up believing that human being can only have one person at a time... or at all (the idea of "you fall in love only once" always made me laugh out loud - sorry if it hurts someone's feelings, I just know stuff from experience).

    We don't get jealous. We don't hate our lover's lovers. We're perfectly fine together, we're happy, we give each other advice in relationships (I tell my girls how to get attention for men they find attractive, they tell me how they evaluate my behaviour and what gifts are the best on certain occasions), we talk about who we met and who we'd like to date all the time. I find this the best relationships in the world, as it is mixed affection and passion with respect for personal freedom and true friendship - it's more then anyone can dream about. And I am so tired to explain that having more then one lover at a time doesn't make you a whore. It's not about me, I am very sensitive when it comes to people saying stuff like this about my girls. I'm not a violent person, but it came to fights a few times when it came to comments about someone spreading their legs for everyone around.

    You see, I am a deeply respectful person. It might something to do with the fact that the only male in my family was my father - my grandparents all died before I was born. And, as a lil' boy, I didn't get why he told my mother and my sister how they should walk, and dress, and behave since they were women. Don't get me wrong, my father is a loving husband, not a tyrant… he's not a good dad, but he's fine. He just is a chauvinist. Anyhow, I was watching that and never got it. It even brought disgust to me. I saw how awful it looked from m point of view, so I never, ever, told any woman what she should do based on her gender; as well as never told men how they should behave because of their gender. So, with all that said, I'm a very respectful person, and I'd never act in a way that would hurt one of my ladies. I am very lucky to be with them, and I cherish them, and don't you dare to even think I prefer one over the other. I love them, and they know it.

    It is confusing for many, I get that, but it hurts me deeply when people do not want to put their selves in another's shoes just for a split second. To see the world from another's perspective. Because, I do understand why so many choose to be with one partner, I really do. I'm not closed-minded in that matter. However, I'd so like this to be mirrored. I can see what you're thinking and feeling, I can understand you, why can't you try to understand me? To be honest, I don't even believe humans are monogamous; look at all the other primates, they are polygamous, so I do think it is logical to conclude we are too. Even if not, what's the harm of a few people not being jealous freaks and letting each other live how they want to, with who they want to. Isn't that the point of loving another person - wanting them to be happy? Because it always was for me.

    Now another question might pop-up in your mind, about being polyamorous and asexual at the same time.

    It's not hard, really. There is a prefect little post that might help you get the idea, but short is: I don't find people sexually attractive. I find people attractive in… another way. I don't get a hard-on when I see a beautiful lady, but I work properly under certain occasions.

    I don't want to have sex, in fact, I don't even like it that much; but I am willing to when my lady wants it (which sounds very weird, now when I think about it).

    See it like this: having sex only when your girlfriend wants to, but never wanting it if she doesn't.

    And I don't really know why I wrote it. Perhaps it has something to do with the argument with my neighbour who tried to convince me there might be only one love In life and that being jealous is a good thing. Or not. Anyhow, I'm tired of the misconception, and I'm OK if someone for any reason might want to ask questions. Hell, I'll even ask my ladies to participate in answering! If you need it for some reason, fire away, don't be shy, I just talked about my sex life, we've broken the ice there =_=